that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The beer is more important than you right now.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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