he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There's always time for handjobs
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
