dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
