Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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