I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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