The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
