i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
