she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
