His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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