My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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