i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
