I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
