I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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