well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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