he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
