I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize