Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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