are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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