Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
