Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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