Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
