There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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