i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
