Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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