4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I feel like abortions should bother me more
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
