don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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