if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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