Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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