Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This is my gift to your gina
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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