so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
