elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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