I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
