having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
