you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
