ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
