I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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