I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
