do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
