When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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