if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just found puke in my bra..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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