i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize