i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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