Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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