Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
