Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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