The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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