we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
