is your mom at the bar?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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