I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize