if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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