Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
