I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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