My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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