Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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