Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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