every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
God, I missed his penis.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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