I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
