Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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