Screwed.edu
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
