you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
