Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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