Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
