alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize