He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
