alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
