The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
