there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the day after is always just damage control
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
